Message from Rick

Hello,
I would like to thank all of you for your prayers and encouragement that you gave Kathy and me with her battle against this terrible disease. Kathy was a real fighter for the past 10 months she battled each and everyday...poked, stuck, scanned and every other medical treatment you can imagine and each day ending with a positive attitude and the love of life. But in the end she lost her battle. I loved this lady so much and I will miss her dearly and when she left she took a large part of me with her but I will always remember her as a great lady and a model for all of us to follow. She loved everyone she met and never past judgement on them and called everyone her friend. Her bright smile always greeted you and made you feel special. She had that loving touch that I am sure all of you experienced. Our family will miss her greatly but not as much as I will. She was my partner in life, mother of my children and I will love her forever. I hope all of you will say a prayer for her and remember her as the great lady she was.
Thanks again,
Rick

A Memorial Service will be held Saturday, January 21st at 10am.

Mission Hills Church, 400 Mission Hills Court, San Marcos, CA 92069. Reception to follow.

In lieu of flowers, please consider donations to either the San Diego Hospice (sdhospice.org) which was so valuable to our family during her final days. Or the American Cancer Society.
If you have any questions, you can contact Amanda Selby at amandaselby@roadrunner.com.

The eyes of our children

As my dad left our house last night to spend the night at his house alone for the very first time, our daughter, Bennett, said to him "You won't be alone Grammpa, you have Jesus!"
Our children have such an amazing perspective on death, one that I am trying to cling to.  They don't ask where their Gramma is because they know exactly WHERE she is.  She is in Heaven.
On Christmas morning when I came home with my Dad to our house, I had to tell our two kids that Gramma went to be with Jesus before they came downstairs to see what Santa brought them.  We were worried that it would put a damper on their Christmas day (like we were feeling!).  But when I told Brayden his face lit up and he said, "Gramma went to Heaven!  Now she can celebrate Jesus' birthday with Him."  There were no tears.  Just joy for her. For where she is now.
I know they are still young and in the days ahead they may miss seeing her and being with her.  But I wanted to share their reaction with you because I think children are so much closer to Heaven than we are...they get it! 
So in the moments when I feel the saddness well up inside me, I try to hold on to reaction.

Also, want to let you all know that we have not decided on where or when a service will be held yet.  First and foremost, we are working on taking her ashes to Hawaii which was her wishes. 
I will post more information on services in the coming weeks.

Happy New Year!

Heaven has a new angel

Mom went to be with the Lord around 3am.  I am here at the house with Dad (and Madison is here too, she was spending the night with them).  She went peacefully.   Our hearts ache, but we rejoice knowing that she is celebrating in heaven with no more pain and suffering.
Merry Christmas! 

Merry Christmas from my Mom. 
My mom recorded this book for my kids a few years ago, not knowing the significance it would have to us now.  As we sit with her this Christmas waiting for her to return home to Jesus, I wanted to share her voice with you one more time.
From my family...have a Blesssed Christmas!

Stable but declining

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:28-31

Many people have asked me over the past few days how I am doing.  My answer has been "Weary".  But the bible verse above has been on my heart today, reminding me that God can renew my strength while we wait on His perfect timing. 
But really, this is about Mom, not me!  She is the one that grows weary.  She has been through so much the past two years...battling thyroid cancer, then having a few heart scares, and now breast cancer this year.  And her breast cancer fight has been one big battle, but she always said to me, "I don't have it as bad as some other people with cancer".   
As she fights this final battle, I remind myself that she isn't growing weary, she is finding renewed strength to soar on wings like eagles...home to Jesus.

No change

For those of you who check the blog each night, my apology for not posting last night.  I took a much needed break and spent the evening with my kids.  Mom is fairly unchanged but did have several awake moments throughout the day yesterday.  She cannot speak clearly, but we can make a few mumbled words.  She opens her eyes but has a hard time keeping them open for too long.   Hopsice is doing a good job managing her comfort but she does seem to be experiencing much more pain now so we need to really stay on top of that.
This morning she is sleeping peacefully.  My dad is holding up amazingly well.  He has been with her 24/7 and getting very little sleep.  But we are trying to give him some breaks, make sure he is eating and just loving him and being there for him.  I know your comments on this blog have meant a lot to him, and mom too.

Dec 21...11:20pm

Another day has gone by and Mom is still with us.  Today she has been unresponsive.  We continue to have 24 hour hospice nurse care which is a huge help.  They monitor her comfort level and since they are have been through this they can give us great insight into what she is going through. 
Her breathing pattern seems a bit labored. But they ensure us she isn't in any pain.  That is what her wishes were...keep me comfortable.
The house is a little quieter tonight with Mike and Joan and Tony gone.  We told Mom she can stop being the hostess now and relax!  We know it is in God's hands.  We will continue to make her comfortable, we will continue to pray for a miracle, and we will continue to wait on His Plan.
Good Night.

Another day...

Not much to tell you, mom continues to fight.  She has her eyes shut most   of the time but seems to hear and understand us. She occasionally opens them. Not many words but managed to tell me she loved me when I left her tonight.  We continue to trust God's will and timing.  But I grow weary each day watching her fade away.

Day 6 of Hospice

Its Monday, December 19...Mom was asleep most of the day.  When she was awake she did recognize us and talked to us with very few words.  While she had her eyes closed I read to her all of the amazing posts from the blog today!  Thank you all for your kind and loving words to my mom.  Although many of your postings brought tears to my eyes and lumps in my throat, many stories made me laugh too.  Reading them aloud to her with family sitting nearby (even the hospice nurse at her bedside) is almost therapeutic for me.  It heals my soul telling my mom how very loved she is, how inspiring she is to others and how much joy she has brought to your lives.

Back in 2005 for Christmas my mom gave me a Mother's Legacy book.  It is a journal where she wrote pages and pages about her life memories.  On the last page the book asks, "What advice about life do you want others to remember?"  Here is her answer...
"I guess my advice would be, treat others with the same care and respect that you wish to be treated.  Another good one is its not whether we win or lose its how we play the game."

She always played with love abounding...and she will win her reward in heaven!  A crown of grace and glory.
I love you mom!

Day 5 of Hospice

It is very late in the evening Sunday.  Mom continues to get weaker and weaker.  We now have a hospice nurse with her 24/7.  The nurse will help manage mom's symptoms of discomfort and agitation.  Hopefully having someone there overnight will help my dad get a better nights sleep.
Thank you so very much to all of you who have posted such amazing comments on this blog.  I have read them to my mom.  They bring us all comfort in knowing how much you love her and how she has touched your lives.

Day 3 of Hospice

Its almost 10am on Saturday (Dec 17).  She continues to fight this battle.  She is about the same as yesterday, a bit weaker but talks to us when she isn't sleeping.
Mom had a pretty good day yesterday.  We met with the hospice team (nurse, social worker and chaplain).  It was very emotional, but a special time.  We were able to listen to mom talk about her diagnosis, memories, what she wants most now, how she feels physically and emotionally.  The chaplain also led us in a very special prayer, then mom prayed which was so poignant and meaningful to hear her talk to God and thank Him for her family and all He has done for her.
She is still eating small amounts of food and drinking too.  She has some discomfort from the bleeding behind her eyes so we are managing that with pain medication.  That seems to really help her rest and sleep. 
She is very aware and conscious. 
I spent this morning reading all of your comments to her!  I loved seeing her smile and cry tears of joy and sadness all at the same time.  If you haven't had a chance to read the comments, there is a consistent theme about my mom....that she has always been so kind and loving to everyone.  I told her that that is her legacy (along with so much more!).   This world needs more Kathys!  More kindess.  Less judgmentalness.  More unconditional love.  We can all learn from my mom.

Day 1 of Hospice

We met with the hospice nurse this morning.  Mom had decided late last night not to continue with her treatments which included her platelet infusion today.  Hospice ordered some equipment for the house including a hospital bed which we set up in the family room so mom can be downstairs and enjoy the commotion of our day!  She had been lying upstairs sleeping most of the days, and would often ask what time it was or who was in the house.  So we thought that bringing her downstairs might help her be part of more things.  We enjoyed the afternoon with Kacey, Madison and Chloe.  All three of them have been so supportive, loving and helpful this year.  Dad and I ran a few errands and then I fixed some dinner.  We all sat around and enjoyed time together laughing, telling stories and just talking.  It was wonderful and felt very special.  Mom smiled alot...and so did Dad.  Just having all of us there is such a comfort to my Dad.
Mom has been very sad about leaving all of us...and all of you!  Thank you all for understanding how hard this is for her and all of us.  But mostly for her.  She had said "no more visitors" and has not wanted to talk to anyone on the phone.  I know that is hard for many to understand, but please know that she loves you all and she is thinking about everyone. 
My brother, his wife and Emma will arrive tomorrow.  My mom has been asking to see Tony.  I will be back at their house for most of the day tomorrow and will  blog again to let you all know her progress.  Thank you to all who have called, texted and emailed.  If I haven't contacted you back, please understand how busy things are.  We are all doing our best during this difficult time.
Much love
Mandy

Hospice

Well as much as we had hoped this day would not come, mom's condition is declining rapidly.  Yesterday she went to have her platelets checked and they had dropped to a level of 5.  Drastically low, which means that she would have to go in for infusions every other day to keep her blood levels up as much as possible.
We met with her doctor and he let us know that even though the chemo she has been doing is working slightly on her brain fluid...it is not working at all on her bone marrow cancer.    There is nothing more medically they can do.  She is also showing signs of bleeding in various areas of her body, which are indicitive of the low platelets. 
All of this basically means that the cancer is spreading rapidly and her body cannot fight it.
We have called in hospice to help us assess her needs.  They come tomorrow morning.  She is still pain free!  And we spent most of today talking to her about this big decision.  She is a fighter!!   But she is tired. 
We will spend the next few days together as a family, enjoying time with her at home (unless they suggest that she go to a hospice facility).  I will blog again tomorrow to let you know what is happening.
But we have decided to stop treatments and let her relax and enjoy these last few moments with us...rather than spending 9 hour days in the infusion center. 
I know many of you will be praying for her.  Please know that she is happy, peaceful and she knows that Jesus is with her.  Like all of us, she is saddened that this disease has won the battle here on earth.  But she knows that the true Victory is in Heaven. 
God bless you all for your love and support!

Keeping the faith

Tuesdays therapy went well.  The nurses have been having a hard time finding veins so they put in a pick line on Wednesday which is in mom's left arm.  This will eliminate the need for sticking her each time they need to test her blood and do infusions.  She also saw an eye doctor this week to check her vision.  Vision was unchanged but he did find some slight bleeding in her retina, now she needs to see a specialist.
Yesterday was platelet day.  She also received red blood cells.  Her white cell count is low too, so she has to be very careful not to be around people with colds or infections.  We just pray that her bone marrow starts working properly to get her blood functioning.  On a positive note, she has gained another 3 pounds...and is up to 143!  This is amazing.  All good signs.
It was another long day in the infusion center but I went and sat with her while my dad spent the afternoon with our daughter, Bennett, making a little manger for her baby Jesus.  It may have been more tiring than sitting with mom!  But I thought it would be a nice change of pace.  And Bennett loves her manger.  It is so nice to have a handyman Grandpa!

Quick update

Happy December to all of you!  My mom is doing well.  Nothing new to report.  Today she is having her intrathecal chemo along with the Zometa infusion (that is the new drug they are giving her for her bones that she gets once a month).  We met with her neuro-oncologist last week and the recent measurements of her brain fluid show that the cancer is decreasing!  They still don't have measures on her bone marrow though, and won't take another sample of that until January.  She is still having trouble with her platelet levels and her hemoglobin.  We have asked the doctor to get more aggressive with the treatment to her bone marrow. 
She has stopped taking her blood pressure medications because her pressure has been relatively low.  She was very excited to get rid of some pills!   She is having some trouble staying asleep at night, so please pray for restful sleep (for both of them).  I think if she has good night sleeps then she will be more awake during the day. 
Dad has been taking her out of the house much more, to run errands.  They even went out to dinner the other night with their friends the Galbraiths who were in town from Lake Tahoe.  We are enjoying the Christmas season and we hope you all are too.
Much love to you all.